


Someone Else's Life

by romanticalgirl



Series: Bring Him Home Again [4]
Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:05:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 8/19/00</p>
    </blockquote>





	Someone Else's Life

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 8/19/00

“You son of a bitch…” Pacey heard the words before he processed them, turned to see the man approaching him before he let himself think. Found himself on the floor before he even had time to register the fact that his brother was taking a swing.

He sat up and rested his arms on his knees, giving Doug a quick look. “You couldn’t just say hello?”

Extending an arm down to Pacey, Doug helped him to his feet. “It didn’t seem to have quite the emotional impact I was going for.”

“Well, impact you got.” Pacey brushed himself off and took a step back, looking his brother over. “Hey.”

There was a silence, impenetrable for a moment, then Doug smiled. “Hey, little brother.”

Pacey managed a weak smile and gestured to the booth he’d been sitting it. Doug slipped onto the bench across from him. The waitress hurried up. “Is everything okay, gentlemen?” She looked warily at Doug, but Pacey shook his head.

“Everything’s fine.” He looked over at Doug. “You hungry?”

They both ordered coffee and the waitress left quickly, obviously not wanting to be around should another punch be thrown. Doug stared at Pacey for a long time. “You’ve changed.”

“Some,” Pacey admitted. “I lost some weight, grew a goatee for a while, until I got sick of it, I…”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Ah.” Shrugging, Pacey averted his eyes. “Yeah. That happens.”

“I wouldn’t know.” Doug leaned back as the waitress brought him a cup of coffee. He smiled his thanks as she hurried away again. “I’ve never had someone hurt me so much that the thought of pretending I was dead was a viable option.”

“Doug…”

“And I’ve certainly never been so hurt and confused that, rather than calling and at least letting my family know that I’m okay, I would rather let them go through the agony and devastation of planning the funeral and then burying their seventeen year old son.”

“I…”

“And it’s probably much easier to pretend that you’re dead than to face up to the fact that you’re destroying the people that love you, that actually managed to give a damn about what happened to you.” Doug’s voice rose slightly and he took a deep breath. “All I know is what it’s like to watch the woman who loved you become a shell of her former self for over a year while she dealt with her own guilt, thinking that she had sent you to your death. I had to watch Dawson become this…strange amalgam of you and him, trying to replace you in Joey’s life. And I had to…” he broke off, shaking his head. “I can’t do this.”

Pacey watched as Doug got to his feet, tossing a dollar bill on the table before he stalked out of the restaurant. He stared down at his hands, clenched together on the table, for a long time until the waitress came over to ask him if he wanted anything else.

His eyes were dark with guilt as he met her gaze. “No thanks. I think…” he tossed a couple of bills on the table, not caring what they were or where they landed. “I think I’m done for the day.”

He left the restaurant, stopping just outside the doors, not sure of where he wanted to go. He was tempted to go to Joey, but he knew that wouldn’t solve his problem.

“So, where do we go from here?”

Pacey started, turning to face Doug, who was leaning against the side of his car. “I was just wondering the same thing.”

“Get in.” Doug pushed off the car and walked around to the driver’s side.

“Why? You planning to take me off into the woods and murder me?”

Doug smiled thinly. “It’s the perfect crime, isn’t it? I mean, after all, you’re already dead.”

Pacey stared at Doug as they both got into the car. “But your job is to uphold the law, so it would sort of go against all that you stood for to murder me, wouldn’t it?”

“Fratricide has been against the law since before you were born, Pacey. But I still spent a probably unhealthy amount of time contemplating it.” Doug started the car. “You got anywhere to be?”

“No. I quit my job at the radio station and haven’t gone back yet.”

“Good.” Pulling out into traffic, Doug headed for the freeway. “I have something I want to show you.”

 

~**~  
After several hours of silence, Pacey finally recognized where they were. “No. Damn it, Doug, what the hell are you thinking?”

“Nothing.” Doug pulled into a secluded area outside of town, driving toward the creek. They passed a sign and a shot of fear went through Pacey’s body. “No one’s going to see you.”

“But…”

“No one comes out here. It’s too painful.” Doug’s voice was calm and without emotion. “When you…died, Mom and Dad changed. And yes, I know it’s sad and ironic that it took your death to make them realize how badly they treated you, but they did finally realize it. Dad mellowed out a hell of a lot, hated himself for a long time.” Doug parked on the side of the road that wound through the cemetery and turned off the car. “You and he had been doing better since the Andie thing, so it wasn’t as drastic as it could have been. And Mom…Mom just kind of deflated for a while. Then Kerry sent a couple of the girls to live with them for the summer and it got better. She had a focus again. But they don’t come out here anymore.”

Doug got out of the car and walked around to the passenger’s side, opening the door for his brother. Pacey got out slowly, his heart pounding. "I don’t want to do this Doug.”

“Neither did I.” Doug started walking; knowing that Pacey would follow. “I didn’t want to come out here every week and find Joey sitting beside your headstone, tracing your name in the marble. I didn’t want to have to arrest Andie after she started shoplifting as a cry to get help. I didn’t want to have to make Dawson spend a night in jail for drunk and disorderly conduct.”

“You always said I was a bad influence.”

Doug laughed at the soft words. “That I did.”

“What about…is Andie okay?”

“Yeah. She lost control a little, but I think it was more because she wasn’t dealing with things. I don’t think she knew how to deal with them, so she started trying to find things that would capture people’s attention. After I arrested her, her dad got her to start seeing a therapist again so she’d have someone she could talk to.”

“Good.”

Doug stopped beside a tree not far from the creek. Pacey stood behind him, not wanting to move around his brother’s body and see what he knew Doug wanted him to. “Jen went to college in New York. I lost track of her after a few years, but I think Mrs. Ryan said she was married now.”

“Married?” Pacey laughed softly. “The wild child is the first to settle down.”

“I kind of kept tabs on all of your friends.” Doug shrugged. “It seemed like the least I could do. I’d come down here and sit with Joey, tell you all the things that I thought you wanted to hear. She and I spent a good portion of her senior year talking to you.”

“I’m sorry, Doug…”

“Don’t say that,” Doug shook his head. “I’m not quite ready to hear that yet.”

Pacey nodded. “Okay. So Jen’s married. What about Andie and Jack?”

“Andie moved out to San Francisco. She’s working as an accountant. Law was a little too stressful for her, so she headed west to get away from all the memories of this area. From what I hear from Jack, she’s living with her girlfriend of two years and they’re doing well.”

“Andie…Andie’s gay?”

Doug smiled. “Yup.”

“That’s…” Pacey shook his head. “What is it with those McPhees? What about Jack?”

“Jack went to college on a football scholarship. Blew out his knee his junior year. After that, he went into psychiatry. He works as a family therapist and spends his weekends helping troubled kids.”

“I always knew he was a do-gooder. Where is he?”

“Providence. His mom is in perpetual care now, so he sticks around to help out. His dad’s there, and they’re actually getting along from what I hear. The summer you left, they did a lot of stuff together.”

“And how do you know so much about Jack?” The teasing tone in Pacey’s voice brought back the familiar surge of irritation.

“You know, Pacey, I would have thought that being dead would have stopped this obsession with my sexuality.”

“I’m just kidding.”

“I know.” Doug leaned back against the tree. “We work together professionally sometimes. Helping troubled youths, such as you were, little brother. Maybe make them realize that there are solutions other than the streets or…well, killing themselves.”

Pacey gave Doug a thin grimace before taking a deep breath and stepping around him. Raising his eyes slowly, he felt his heart slam against his chest as he saw the cool marble headstone. His name was carved in the rock, bold and dark. He stepped closer, reading the dates that were cut into the stone and the small inscription. Kneeling in front of it, he ran his hand over the small words, tilting his head, trying to remember their significance.

“Death cannot stop true love, all it can do is delay it for a while.”

“Joey paid for that.”

Pacey nodded, rereading the quote. “The Princess Bride.”

“Yeah. She said she thought it was appropriate.”

Pacey’s hand moved over the letters, smiling when he reached “true love.” Shaking his head, he looked over at his brother. “I never meant to hurt anyone. I just figured…it would all be easier if I left. And I knew that no one would let me just walk away. And I knew if I disappeared, Dad or you or…someone would try and find me. It was the only way.”

“Did you plan it when you left?”

“No. It was sort of…during the storm; I just kept wondering what it would be like if I didn’t make it through. And then, after it was over and the boat was more than totaled, I stared down at the wreckage and realized that I had my answer.”

“So you just walked away?”

He shrugged and sat down, leaning back against the headstone. “Actually, and this is the funny thing, I stayed in town, helping clean up the wreckage from the storm. I was there when they sent the notice out to you; I was the one who found the piece that would tell them the boat’s registration. I made sure there wasn’t any doubt.”

“Even though it was all a lie.”

“A necessary one. At least, it seemed that way at the time.”

“And you didn’t give a second thought to the rest of us? Just went on with your life as if we didn’t matter anymore?” Doug sat down next to Pacey, trying to keep accusation from his voice. “Was it easy, Pace?”

“No. I…after the clean up was done, I realized I had to find something to do, somewhere to go. I didn’t have anything really, except about a hundred bucks. Couldn’t use my real name. So I started doing small odd jobs, stuff that didn’t require an extensive background check. After a couple of years, I started using Pacey Witter again for legal stuff, since I’d read the obituary and knew you guys believed I was dead. I figured no one would be looking for me, so it should be safe again.”

“And the radio show?”

“C’mon Doug, what better place for me than on the air, infecting the entire world with my warped sense of reality? Besides, on the radio, I could be anyone…do just about anything. At least until Joey managed to recognize me without realizing that she did.”

“She loves you. She’s loved you for a long time. I would imagine it’s wrecked a lot of relationships for her, ones that maybe stood a chance. But no man could measure up to you in her eyes.”

“Which is kind of amusing,” Pacey said with a soft laugh. “Since she used to think I was as low as a human could get without having a tail.”

“Things change.”

“Yeah.” Pacey sighed. “They do.”

The brothers sat silently for a long time. Doug leaned back next to Pacey and stared at the creek. “So, what will you do now?”

“What do you mean?” Pacey didn’t look at him, knowing that Doug knew he understood the question perfectly well.

“Are you going to tell them? Tell your friends? Tell all the people who have spent years mourning your death that it was all a big mistake?”

“I don’t know. Asking you and Dawson and Joey to keep it all a secret isn’t fair to any of you, but I don’t know that it’s fair to ask all these people who have moved on without me to accept the fact that I lied to them. On purpose. That I let them suffer through the belief that I was dead, simply so that I didn’t have to face up to everything in my life.”

“It’s a tough call.”

“What would you do?”

“I would have come back home.” Doug shrugged. “Of course, I never fell head over heels for the woman my best friend was in love with, only to have her choose him. So I can’t honestly say what I would have done, or what I would do now.”

“You’ve seen these people, Doug. You saw them react; you saw them move on. Am I going to be hurting them more by letting them know now?”

“Yes. But that doesn’t necessarily make it the wrong thing to do.”

“Thanks for that complete lack of insight.”

Doug stood up, wiping off his jeans. “I can’t answer this for you, Pace. I wish I could. I wish I could give you all the answers. I do know that you can’t just tell selected people in your life. Too many people probably already know. And I think it would be best if you told everyone before they found out from someone else.”

“How?” Pacey stood up as well. “How do I go to Mom and Dad and say…whoops?”

“You’re their son, and they love you. You’ve got to decide.”

Pacey looked down at the tombstone one last time before following Doug to the car. “You know, I walk in that house alive and Dad’s gonna kill me.”

“Well then,” Doug grinned at his brother. “At least then you won’t have to admit you lied to anyone else.”

~**~  
The sound of the elevator brought Joey’s attention away from the city skyline. She’d convinced the doorman to let her back in and she’d been waiting for him, remembering.

They’d stood on the docks for an hour, just looking at one another, touching one another.

She’d had to convince herself that he was real, even though he was standing in front of her. He’d leaned in and kissed her, just barely brushing her lips the second time, then he’d pulled away. “I don’t know that I can do this, Jo.” He’d said softly, looking back over his shoulder at the boat, gently bobbing in the waves. “Staying here means telling the truth. Not just to you and Dawson, but to…everyone.”

“I know, but I’ll be by your side, Pacey.”

He’d shaken his head and stepped away from her, wanting to run. “I can’t, Jo.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you,” he’d breathed. “But I can’t do it, Joey.”

“Do it, or I’ll spend the rest of my life hunting you down. I’ll tell everyone that you’re alive and they’ll help me find you.” She’d moved into his arms, not allowing him any freedom. “Don’t leave me, Pacey. I couldn’t handle it again.”

She’d made him promise to stay and she’d driven him home, back to his apartment. He hadn’t wanted to see Dawson yet and she’d understood. But it had been almost a week and she hadn’t heard from him, and fear had brought her here.

Pacey stepped out of the small car into the penthouse, talking softly. He turned around and froze, obviously surprised to see her there. “Hey, Jo.”

“Hey.” She stood up and smiled, blushing furiously. “I hope you don’t mind…Doug.”

Doug stepped out from behind Pacey and smiled nervously at Joey. “Hey.”

Pacey looked from one to the other and shook his head. “Well, I can honestly say that I never thought I’d see this again.”

“I didn’t know that Doug was with you, I didn’t realize…” Joey stammered the words, blushing even more. “I should go.”

“No, it’s okay.” Doug shook his head. “I was just leaving, actually. Pacey wanted to show me his place. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

Pacey nodded then moved closer and hugged Doug. “Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me yet. The hard part hasn’t even begun.”

Pacey nodded and watched as Doug disappeared into the elevator. He waited until it had started its downward trajectory before turning back to Joey. “Hey, Potter.”

“I hope it’s okay that I’m here,” she began, moving toward him. “I just…I hadn’t heard from you and I was a little worried that you might have changed your mind…disappeared into thin air again.”

“I made you a promise.”

“True.” She nodded, stopping just in front of him. “But I guess…I guess I just expected to hear from you.”

“It’s tough, Jo.” He moved away from her, heading for the bar. “I mean, I haven’t had a…a friend, for lack of a better word, in my life in over seven years. I don’t know how to do this anymore. And I don’t know that I can handle anything more.”

“I’m not asking for anything more,” she assured him. “I just want there to be contact between us. I don’t want to lose you again.”

“I promised you, Jo.”

“I know.” She watched him as he walked behind the bar, setting out two glasses.

“You want something?”

“Sure.”

“What?”

She shrugged. “Anything’s fine.”

He pulled out a bottle of bourbon and poured them each a glass. “So, you want to tell me what happened between you and Doug?”

“What?”

He looked over at her as he handed her the glass. “He was telling me that you used to go to the cemetery and you guys would talk. I got the impression that maybe that wasn’t all?”

She turned her eyes away from him, walking back over to the window. “I kissed him once.”

“Oh?”

There was no emotion in his voice, not anger or amusement. “We’d been talking about you and how much I missed you. I was crying and he held me. I looked up and, through the tears, he looked so much like you. So I kind of reached up and touched his cheek and then I kissed him.”

“Which would no doubt explain the undercurrent that ran through the room when he walked in here unannounced."

“Nothing happened,” she assured him. “I kissed him and he pushed me away. He hugged me tight and told me that he wasn’t going to be able to allow me to do that. All in his policeman’s voice,” Joey giggled nervously. “He said that he liked me, but there was no way in hell anything was ever going to happen between us.”

“Nice to know.”

“Something about me still being in love with his brother or some other lame excuse that was supposed to convince me that he’s not gay.” She turned, surprised to find Pacey right behind her. “I missed you. And no one else seemed to understand like he did. I needed comfort.”

“And he gave it to you.”

“I just thought I needed more. I’m not exactly proud of it.”

He shook his head, taking a sip of his drink. “Don’t worry about it, Potter. It was a long time ago and circumstances were different. However, if you’re thinking about making another play for him now that he’s in town, well, I might have to disagree.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You think you’ve got some sort of claim on me, Witter? Now that you’re back in the land of the living, you’re under the delusion that you own me?”

“I’d never think that,” he said softly. “I have no rights to you.”

“Unless I give them to you.” Joey raised her glass to her lips, taking a slow sip. Her eyes were locked on his, heat suffusing the room all around them. “But you’re not sure that it’s what you want, what you’re ready for.”

“No,” he admitted. “I’m not. I have a decision to make, one that’s pretty much already been made for me, but I still have to go through with it. I have to face all these people that I love, that loved me and tell them that I’ve been lying to them for the past seven years. And I think anything else might just complicate it.” He took a step toward her, reducing the distance between them to just a few inches. “And I don’t need anything complicated in my life.”

“No. You don’t.” She stood still, afraid to move and force him to change his mind. Her heart was beating wildly as he neared, her breath caught in her throat. “You don’t need any other obligations to worry about. You just need the people who love you and who are your friends to support you.”

“Right.” He moved even closer, the space between them negligible. “Stand beside me when I have to face everyone I hurt and be there for me when they don’t understand.”

Joey set her glass on the windowsill behind her, freezing as Pacey reached around her and set his next to it. His arm brushed hers and she gasped quietly. He pulled back, standing in front of her, close enough to touch, to lose herself in him. “They’ll be so happy to see you, to know you’re alive,” she reassured him. “They’ll want to touch you to make sure you’re real, not some illusion.”

“Touch me,” he agreed, his hand stroking back her hair. “And then they’ll forgive me?”

She nodded, not wanting to break the contact with his hand. “After they kick your ass.”

He gave her a sly grin. “That’s a good point. Why the hell do you think I haven’t gone to see Dawson yet?”

Joey raised her hand and touched his lips lightly, tracing his grin. “I’ve missed your smile.”

“You remember my smile?”

“All the time, in my dreams.” Joey brushed her thumb over the fullness of his lower lip. “Your smile and your frown. Your laughter, your anger. When I was calling you, I pictured you in my head, making love to me. It was always you, Pacey.”

“Jo…”

“No matter who the man was.” She didn’t meet his eyes as she stood on tiptoe and nibbled on his lip, sucking it into her mouth for just a moment before releasing it and sinking back down. “He was always you…but never you.”

Pacey inhaled sharply, moving his thumbs to either side of her face to wipe away the tears that threatened. “I’m here now, Joey. And I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want to be another complication in your life.”

He shook his head, bending down to kiss her softly. “Joey,” he pulled away and licked his lips. His eyes held hers, full of something she’d missed for so long, something she thought she’d never see again. “Jo.” He leaned in, nuzzling her cheek as he inhaled the sweet scent of her. He found her earlobe and nibbled on it, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine.

Her hands wound through his hair, turning her head to run a line of fiery kisses down his neck. Pacey moaned softly, moving to her throat, sucking the tender flesh. His trembling hands settled on Joey’s hips and he pulled her even closer, working his way back up from her shoulder.

Joey pulled away as he licked the hollow beneath her ear before making his way to the plump rose of her lips. He held still just above her, not giving in to the desire to touch her just yet. “Joey?”

“Yeah?” She breathed.

“Complicate me?”

~**~  
Joey whimpered softly, her hands framing his face as she reached up to kiss him. Her tongue slipped between his lips, exploring his mouth. Pacey tilted his head, his own tongue dueling with hers as they teased each other. He tasted the roof of her mouth then sucked lightly at her tongue as he captured it.

Pacey’s arms snaked around Joey’s body, lifting her slightly as he deepened the kiss. Her legs went around his, holding him tight against her, trying to get closer to him. He groaned and turned, carrying her toward his bedroom. Joey pulled back from the kiss, staring down into his eyes.

He smiled up at her, guiding them both into the room. It was dark, the blinds drawn against the night. He reached the side of the bed and slowly eased her to the ground. She took a step back and bit her lower lip, watching him in the darkness. Casting a quick glance at the bed, she swallowed hard. “The day you left, I sat on the docks all night, waiting for you.”

He flinched at the whispered words, not wanting to remember that time of his life, of their lives. “Jo…”

“Doug convinced me you were coming back, you just needed to give us both time, to let me be happy with Dawson.” She averted her eyes, not wanting to look at him just yet. “But Dawson wasn’t the man who was going to make me happy. And I think you knew that, even if I didn’t. I didn’t want to believe it, Pacey, because I didn’t know how to alter my world that way. What I didn’t realize, at least until Doug gave us the news, was that it had already been altered. I just hadn’t admitted it. That summer, I lived in limbo, this fake place of my own making, pretending nothing had changed.” She finally looked up at him, tears shining in the dim light. “Everything changed the day Doug told us, Pacey. My life changed and I realized how stupid I’d been. I hated that I’d let you go and I was so afraid that I wouldn’t get a chance to let you know how I much I…I loved you. I swore to myself that if you were alive, if by some miracle you managed to make it through that storm alive, I’d tell you.”

“You did tell me, Jo.”

“I swore to myself I’d never give you a reason to doubt me again.”

He shook his head, capturing her face between his hands. “I don’t doubt you, Joey. I never did. You doubted yourself and you doubted me, but I never…”

“I love you,” she whispered, brushing her lips over his, silencing him.

Pacey stood there, simply taking her in. Her kiss was like a fire in his blood, heating his whole body. He ached to touch her, but somehow seemed to know she wasn’t finished.

“And…and I wish that I could say that I waited for you.”

“Oh, Joey.” He gathered her into his arms, raining kisses over her face. Her tears leaked from under her lashes, painting her cheeks before he could kiss them away. “Don’t cry.” He shook his head, kissing her eyelids, her cheeks, her nose before grazing her lips lightly. “Shh.”

“But…” her breath caught on a sob and she tried to pull away. He held her tight and refused to let her go.

“No, Joey. You thought I was dead.” He licked her upper lip with the tip of his tongue, smiling as she opened her lips. “And you’re so beautiful.”

“I am not.”

“And I can honestly say that I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. And I’ve wanted you for so very long.” His tongue entered her mouth again, this time taking control of the kiss. He plundered her mouth, years of longing and waiting taking control of him. His tongue explored her, tasted her, found out what made her moan as she wriggled closer to him.

Breaking the kiss, Pacey struggled for air in the hazy thickness of the room. Joey’s body was arched against him, leaning back in his arms. Her nipples pressed tight against her shirt, offering him evidence of her arousal. Keeping one arm around her, he brought the other hand to her breast and teased the hard tip with his thumb.

“Tell me you want me too, Joey.”

She shuddered, his husky voice like a drug invading her system. “I want you so much, Pacey. It’s like an ache inside me.”

He kissed her neck; his hands moving down to unbutton her shirt. His tongue darted out, marking her skin with heat as he slowly undressed her. As the material slipped from her body, he let his kisses sink lower, tasting the alabaster skin of her chest.

Joey tugged her shirt off as Pacey reached around her, finding the clasp of her bra and easily unhooking it. With a kind of quiet reverence, he slipped the lacy garment from her body and let it fall to the floor. Joey shivered slightly, caught up in the look in his eyes. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, his whole body enraptured by the sheer beauty of the woman in front of him.

Joey took a step back from Pacey and unfastened her jeans, sliding them down her legs along with the silky panties she wore. She stood in front of him, somewhat shyly; her naked body like a beacon of golden light to him. “Love me?”

He nodded, happy to comply with her request. He unbuttoned his shirt; easing it off his shoulders and letting it drop unheeded to the floor. Joey’s eyes moved over him, caressing his skin with their warm gaze. Noticing a strange coloring, she stepped forward, nearing him.

Pacey pursed his lips as she walked up to him, her hand reaching out to touch the shiny skin of his scar. It crossed half of his chest, a jagged white line that marred his tan. “What happened?”

“The storm,” he whispered. “I said I survived, I didn’t say I escaped unscathed.”

Her fingers traced the mark, her eyes dark with pain. “Oh, Pacey.”

He captured her hand in his and brought it up to his lips. He kissed her palm then lowered it to his nipple, rubbing the soft skin over the hard nub. When he released her hand, she continued teasing his nipple, moving her thumb over to play with the aroused skin. Her other hand moved down to his jeans, undoing his belt and pushing the leather out of the way. Pacey stood still as she unzipped his pants, finally moving her other hand down to push them out of the way.

She looked up at him, her lower lip caught in her teeth and smiled shyly. His erection strained against the cotton of his boxers, aching to be closer to her. She rested her hand on the waistband before slipping her fingers under the material and guiding it away from his body. Easing it over his erection, she let the boxers fall to the floor, watching as Pacey stepped out of them, kicking off his shoes at the same time.

Joey’s gaze traveled over him, noting the other scars that adorned his skin. There was a long slash across his upper thigh and another on his shin. He noted her expression and shook his head. “I’m okay.”

“I know. I just hate knowing this could have all been prevented.” She let her hand run over the one on his thigh, wincing at the slick feel of the skin. “I could have prevented it.”

“Don’t do this,” he begged her. “Don’t feel guilty about the choices I made. I don’t want to live in the past, Joey. I want to live in the here and now. Specifically right here and right now. Where I have a very gorgeous, most decidedly naked Joey Potter standing in front of me.”

She managed a grin and moved her hand back to the scar on his thigh, tracing it once more before moving her hand up to capture his erection in her hand. Pacey’s eyes widened and he started, surprised by her touch. She stroked him gently a few times before releasing him and moving toward the bed. “What about now?” She lay down, stretching out on the comforter. “When there’s a Joey Potter lying on the bed in front of you?”

“You’re right. That’s much better.” Pacey sank to his knees on the mattress, staring down at her for a long moment before he lay beside her. Lying on his side, he raised up onto one elbow and stared down at her body, glowing in the shards of moonlight that danced through the room.

His hand trembled as he moved it to touch her breast, tracing the tight areola with a gentle finger before he ran it over the hard tip of her nipple. Joey took a deep breath as his hand moved over her, learning her skin and the subtle contours of her body. He kneaded the soft flesh of her breast with a skilled hand, paying equal attention to both of the glorious mounds.

Joey arched her back, moving up into his hands, her body begging to be touched. He ran his hand down her stomach as he bent his head, leaning in to capture the hard nipple he’d just teased between his lips.

Gasping, Joey’s hips came off the bed, rising to meet Pacey’s exploring fingers. He let them make their way through the silky hairs before slipping over the creamy flesh of her thighs. As he suckled her, the exquisite taste of her like nectar, rushing to his head and sending him spiraling into a type of drunkenness.

Joey moaned softly as his fingers penetrated her flesh, moving in to discover her warm wetness. Pacey finally released her nipple, raising his lips to hers to kiss her again and he ran one of his fingers over her clit. Her body shivered, tightening as he touched her, teased her. Lowering his hand, he slipped a finger into her tight passage.

“You okay?” he breathed into the kiss.

“Yeah,” she answered, spreading her legs slightly to accommodate his hand. Pacey grinned and pulled away from her, his hand still caressing her as he slid down the bed. Moving between her parted legs, he nuzzled her inner thighs with his nose and chin, placing soft kisses along the way. When he reached the rosy flesh of her sex, he inhaled deeply, drinking her in.

Joey forced herself to breathe; inhaling deeply as he just lay there motionless. She had just started to regain her equilibrium when his tongue snaked out, brushing against her clit.

“Oh…Christ.”

Pacey’s grin was lost in her heat as he moved closer, not letting her rest from his assault. He ran his tongue along her warm cleft, shattering her with every lick. He wrapped his lips around her clit, sucking on it as he had on her nipple, feeling the rush of blood to the darkened skin in his mouth.

Feeling her start to tremble on the end of his tongue, Pacey pulled away, getting to his knees. Joey was staring up at him, her eyes wide with a myriad of emotions. He smiled gently, moving carefully and pressing the tip of his straining erection to her slick opening.

He’d had sex before with women he’d loved and with women he’d wanted, but never with someone he’d needed as much as he needed Joey. She made him whole, made him more than himself. He gazed down with eyes full of love into hers, echoing his emotion. “I love you, Potter.”

She was barely breathing as he slid inside her, filling her with his heat. He lay still, both of them lost in the feeling, the wonder of the moment. When she could find air again, Joey reached up and touched his lips with her trembling fingers. “I love you too, Pacey.”

They moved as one, both of them needing to be closer. Pacey’s smooth thrusts filled her time and again as she rose up to meet him; her hips finding his in a reckless sort of abandon. His eyes remained locked on her, not willing to miss the look on her face as he sheathed himself inside her.

Joey ached for him as he pushed deeper into her, filling her completely. She wrapped her legs over the back of his knees, holding him to her as his downward stroke brought him ever closer, brought her to the trembling edge of orgasm. His breath was harsh as he thrust again, the sweaty skin of their bodies clinging together in a sensual embrace.

He felt her start to shake, her body losing control as he fought against her clenching muscles and buried himself in her quivering flesh. Joey’s hands clutched at his shoulders as her orgasm washed through her, bathing his cock in thick, wet heat.

With a low rumble of pleasure, Pacey continued thrusting into her, letting her surround him, tighten around him until his eyes closed against the wave of pleasure that rippled through him and he lost his soul inside her.

~**~  
Pacey eased off of Joey, falling onto the bed beside her. The silence was only broken by their harsh breathing, both of them coming back to earth slowly. Turning on her side, Joey rested her head on Pacey’s chest, running her hand over his scar once more. “I don’t want to be a complication in your life, Pacey.”

His soft chuckle vibrated through his chest. “Joey, you’re the one complication I actually want in my life.” He tucked her hair behind her ear as she stifled a yawn. “Why don’t you get some sleep?”

“I’m hungry,” she admitted.

“You’re sleepy. Rest. We’ll get food later.” He eased her onto the pillow and grabbed the blanket off the end of the bed and covered them both up with it. Joey snuggled back against him, curling into his body, holding him close.

“You’ll be here when I wake up?”

“I promise.”

She closed her eyes, breathing the scent of him in, memorizing it. He smelled just like she remembered. Like sun and salt and sweat. Intrinsically Pacey. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Potter.” Pacey stroked her hair gently until her breathing evened out and she drifted off to sleep. Slipping out of the bed, he grabbed his robe and pulled it on, walking over to the bedroom window. He hadn’t lied. She was the one complication he could deal with. It would be more than easy to let Joey back into his life, now that he knew how she felt.

What he didn’t want to deal with were the other complications that he now had. He’d called Doug, simply because he’d felt guilty. Seeing Joey had sparked an overwhelming desire to confess his sins and find forgiveness, but he didn’t know if it was possible. Doug was his first step.

The people he was most worried about would come soon enough. The rest of his family, his friends, his best friend.

Loving Joey made being alive worth something, made him want to tell everyone the truth. Knowing that she had loved him without the hope of ever seeing him again made setting the record straight something he needed to do.

He looked back at her and sighed softly, heading into the living room to find the bourbons they’d left behind. He drank one down quickly before picking up the other and sipping it.

He knew what he wanted. What he wanted to do was run.

And he knew what he had to do. He’d promised her he’d stay.

He just didn’t know how he was going to live up to that promise.

~**~  
Joey woke up slowly, her eyes searching the unfamiliar room. Rolling over, she buried her face in the pillow, inhaling the sharp scent of sex and Pacey and the earlier events flooded over her. A warm smile crossed her face until she raised her head, realizing that she was alone in the bed.

“Pacey?”

Terror rushed through her and she sat upright, pushing the blanket off of her. She scrambled out of the bedroom, not caring that she was naked, her eyes wild as she searched for him.

“Pacey!” She practically screamed his name, tears clogging her throat. “Damn you, you bastard.”

She sank to her knees in front of the couch, burying her head in the cushions. Sobs wracked her body as she closed in on herself, wrapping her arms around her legs and rocking slowly.

“Jo?”

She whipped around as Pacey stepped off the elevator, standing and hurling herself in his arms in a flash of motion. Pacey pulled his arms apart quickly, almost dropping the bags in his hands. “You son of a bitch,” she whispered as she pressed her face to his chest. “I thought you’d left me.”

“I did. To get food.” He pushed her back and held up the bags. “You were hungry.”

“You could have left a note.”

“I did.” He guided her back to the bedroom, picking up the note that lay beside her pillow. “Jo, gone to get food. Be back soon. Love Pace.”

“Oh.” Her voice was small. “Sorry.”

“I told you I wouldn’t leave you Joey, and I meant it.” He set the bags down on the bed and gathered her into his arms. “You’re going to have to trust me on this.”

“I want to. I’m just so scared.”

“Joey,” He tilted her chin up so that she was looking at him. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to hurt you like that again, okay?”

“Okay.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. “Okay?”

She smiled and nodded, her eyes still brimming with tears. “Okay. I trust you.”

“Yeah, well…good.” Letting her go, he picked up the bags once again and headed for the living room. “There’s a robe over on the chair. Why don’t you put that on and come eat something.”

“Okay. I…I sort of need to call Dawson.”

Pacey stopped walking. “Right.”

“Pacey, I trust you not to leave, you have to trust me when it comes to Dawson. I promise you, there’s nothing between us but friendship.” She walked up to him, resting her hands against his back as she pressed her nude body against him. “There hasn’t been for a long time. But he is my roommate, and he’s liable to worry, since I didn’t tell him I was leaving this morning and that was over twelve hours ago.”

“Right.” Pacey sighed and settled his free hand over Joey’s as it snaked around his waist. “I’m sorry. I just…you have to remember that the last time you were in my life, you chose him. And I’ve been living with that choice for the past seven years, even if you haven’t.”

“Well, some would say that was sort of your own fault. And believe me, I’ve been living with the consequences of it too.” She moved around to stand in front of him, grinning up at him impishly, determined to change the somber mood. “Why don’t we eat in bed?”

“You trying to get me naked again, Potter?”

Raising onto her tiptoes, Joey placed a soft kiss at the base of his neck, just above his shirt. “I wouldn’t put it past me.” Dropping back down to the floor, she took his hand and led him back toward the bed. “After all, we’ve got seven years of catching up to do.”

“Less than that,” He amended. “There’s no way in hell you would have put out sooner than six months into a relationship.”

“How would you know? I’d never been in a relationship that long.”

“My point exactly.” He stopped walking, watching as she settled back on the mattress and pillows, taking the bags of food from him. Shrugging out of his shirt, he dropped it on the floor. “We’re talking maybe 6 ½ years.”

Joey shook her head as he unbuttoned his jeans and kicked off his shoes at the same time. “You think you know me so well.”

Raising an eyebrow, Pacey sank to his knees on the mattress, leaning over to kiss her nipple. “I do know you, Potter. That’s what pisses you off the most.”

She gave him a look, shoving him back off the bed. Pacey managed to remain standing, pushing his jeans and boxers to the floor before moving to lie beside her. Smiling down at him, she gestured toward the bags of food. “Hungry?”

His gaze ran over her body, still flushed from sleep and her earlier tears, as well as the desire that seemed to blossom whenever they were together. Her nipples were tight with arousal and her chest rose and fell with her labored breath. “Suddenly, not for food.”

Joey watched his eyes darken as he grabbed the bags of food and set them beside the bed. “It’ll get cold,” she insisted.

“You won’t even notice,” He promised, moving toward her. His eyes were intent on her body as he closed in on her, his lips going straight for the column of her neck. Grazing the smooth skin with his lips, he let his tongue make its way down to the hollow of her throat.

Joey groaned as she arched her back slightly, her movements guiding Pacey down her chest. He obliged her, his tongue marking a trail of desire through the valley between her breasts before placing burning hot kisses toward the peaked flesh of her nipples. Capturing the nub, Pacey ran his tongue over the tip before taking the entirety of the rosy bud into his mouth.

Joey’s hands wound into Pacey’s hair, keeping him trapped against her breast, suckling the warm skin. He willingly surrendered to her demands, happy to taste her. Holding him there, she rolled him over, her body moving over his. Feeling her legs move down on either side of his thighs, Pacey pulled back, smiling up at her.

Joey moved away slightly, looking down at him, moving a finger to trace the line of his eyebrow then his cheek. Finally, her light touch alighted on his lips, swollen from their earlier kisses.

“What?” he asked her softly, his blue eyes like fire as they touched her.

A soft smile was his only answer as she moved deliberately, straddling him. She sat on his lower stomach, his cock resting against the curve of her buttocks, the wet tip painting the small of her back.

Leaning forward slowly, Joey let his shaft move down her body until it encountered the liquid warmth between her legs. Moving even more slowly, she inched forward, kissing Pacey’s chest until she felt the welcome pressure of his cock against her opening.

With a slight tug at the chest hair tickling her lips, Joey sank back against Pacey, letting him fill her slowly. They both sighed as he penetrated the damp skin, burying his length inside her. She sat still; her eyes closed and head tilted back as he filled her. Pacey stared up at her, her breasts heavy on her chest, nipples tight and hard. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she struggled for breath. Smiling to himself, he lifted his hands, skimming over the flat plane of her stomach to cup the luscious mounds of creamy flesh.

As Pacey’s thumbs caressed her, Joey began moving slowly, easing her body around his. They moved together, still cautious of one another, learning one another. Pacey closed his eyes, breathing deeply as he rolled his hips in time with Joey’s strokes, pushing up against her as she ground down on him.

Joey’s hands wrapped around Pacey’s forearms for support as he continued massaging her breasts. She sucked her lower lip into her mouth, chewing on it as she began increasing the pace of her movements, feeling her body heat up as Pacey’s cock continued to impale her, penetrate her, fill her.

Pacey groaned softly and released her breasts, letting his hands slide down her body until he grasped her hips and held her against him as he thrust up inside her, control and reason lost in the flood of passion as her body tightened around him, muscles clenching at his cock, like tiny fingers and tongues begging for him to surrender.

His whole body stiffened, muscles tightening as he spun out of control, his climax buried deep inside Joey as he tightened his hold on her hips and refused to let her move away from his liquid embrace. Her body clung to his, warm and sweaty and wet as she pressed against him, accepting the hot flood of his orgasm as he continued thrusting into her, urging her toward hers.

Her knees pressed into Pacey’s thighs as she rocked down on him, each stroke sending shivers of lust and desire through her as the dark tangle of hair at the base of his shaft teased her swollen flesh. Pacey bent his knees, angling Joey slightly forward, his hands holding her shoulders as he began thrusting wildly, sending sensation ricocheting through her already overloaded nervous system until she cried out, shuddered and came explosively around him.

Joey collapsed on top of Pacey, and he carefully eased her to the side, rolling her off of his body. Hair and skin clung in a prolonging of their union until they were both free of the other, both spent. Joey raised up onto one elbow and looked down at Pacey, surprised at the dark circles of worry and exhaustion that lined his eyes. She stroked his cheek gently. “Get some sleep. I’ll put the food in the fridge.”

He nodded silently and closed his eyes, surrendering to fatigue. Joey slid off the bed quietly, stopping as he reached out for her hand. “Joey?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t disappear on me, okay? I’m not quite ready for this to all be another dream.”

“You dreamt about me?”

“Every night.” The words were barely a whisper as he fell asleep, a soft smile on his face. Joey freed her hand from his grip and grabbed the bags of food, headed for the kitchen, unable to stop smiling herself.

~**~  
Moonlight was streaming in the window when Pacey woke, blinking rapidly in the dim light. He shoved the blanket that covered him off and grabbed his robe off the edge of the bed. He headed for the bathroom and washed up before shrugging into the robe and tying it loosely around his waist.

His stomach rumbled and he could faintly detect the odor of Chinese food, so he headed for the living room. The soft murmur of voices froze him in the doorway and he stared at the couch in front of him, at once entranced and frightened by the sight.

Joey was sitting there, legs curled under her, chopsticks buried in the small container in her hands. Her dark hair was tousled and she looked loved, warm and sexy and satisfied. He smiled to himself as he stared at her, memorizing the way her body looked so very inviting in his sweats and T-shirt.

Grudgingly, he pulled his eyes away from her and faced the man she was talking to. His hair was no longer blonde, but a dark brown, which actually made him look older, more mature. He was wearing khakis and a black T-shirt and he looked like a director, straight out of the movies. He no longer seemed like the unsure, needy boy he’d been when he’d kissed Joey on the docks that night, breaking Pacey’s heart into pieces so small he thought they’d never go back together.

He no longer seemed like the boy Pacey knew at all.

He no longer seemed like Dawson.

“Hey.”

They both looked up from their conversation, realizing he was in the room with them. Joey smiled and, after a moment, Dawson did the same. Joey got off the couch and set the food down, looking from him to Dawson then back again. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah. I did.” Pacey shrugged, pulling the robe tighter around his waist. “I didn’t expect company. I would have gotten dressed…er…Joey should have woken me when you…” He stopped, not knowing what to say. “Hi Dawson.”

Dawson got to his feet and stepped closer, looking Pacey over, noting the small changes that seemed so large in the wake of all the time that had passed. “Pacey.”

Pacey looked down at the hand Dawson extended, a smile lifting the corner of his mouth. “Daw…”

Dawson’s left hook caught him by surprise, sending him sprawling to the ground. He rubbed his jaw as he sat up, glaring at his friend. Dawson stared down at him, his face impassive for a moment, before he extended his hand again, offering Pacey help up.

Pacey accepted the hand warily, getting to his feet and moving away from both Dawson and Joey. He wiped blood from his lip and shook his head. “That’s getting to be a common greeting, must be something that caught on in Capeside after I left.”

“You can consider yourself the instigator of the new trend, I’m sure.” Dawson sat back down on the couch, refusing to look at Joey’s face. “I suppose I should say I’m sorry.”

“Are you?”

“Not at all.” Dawson watched as Pacey sat down, gingerly touching his lip. “I think it’s probably the least you deserve.”

“Then don’t say you’re sorry.” Pacey took the tissue that Joey offered him and pressed it to his lip to stop the flow of blood.

Dawson looked down at his hands, rubbing the backs of his knuckles where he’d hit Pacey. “So, where do we go from here?”

Joey’s gaze went from one to the other and she sighed. “Are you hungry?” Pacey’s stomach growled in response before he could speak and everyone laughed, diffusing the tension that filled the room. “Right. I’ll go fix you something.”

“Thanks, Jo.”

After she left, Dawson walked toward the bar. “Nice place you’ve got here.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ve listened to your show a couple of times, and I used to laugh at how much you reminded me of…well, you. Of course, I never would have thought it was you, since I was pretty sure you were dead. At least, that’s what I spent the last several years blaming myself for.”

“I’m sorry, Dawson, I never meant…”

“Yeah, well.” Dawson sighed and poured himself a drink. “One of the side effects of being a self-absorbed, self-obsessed jerk is that when something forces you out of your rose colored world, you have a lot to feel guilty for. I guess fortunately for me, my best friend decided to provide both the kick in the ass I needed and something to feel guilty for.”

“I…”

“And right now, all I can think about is whether or not I’m supposed to be glad you’re alive. And I can’t decide if I hate you or if I understand or what. Well, I know I don’t understand. I don’t know how you could do it or how you could live with yourself afterward. And I sure as hell don’t know why you didn’t just stay the hell out of our lives.”

“I tried.”

“Did you?” Dawson gave him a piercing look. “I don’t believe you, Pacey.”

“Did Potter not mention that I was doing my best to get my ass out of town? Did I know that you and she were going to be shacking up in the same city as me? Did I know that you guys were going to haunt me, even though I’m the one who’s supposed to be dead?”

The silence that filled the room when Pacey stopped was magnified as both men realized they’d been shouting. Joey stood in the doorway to the kitchen, two plates of food in her hands. “The way I see it,” her voice was soft, her emotion for both of them clear. “We have two choices here. We hate each other and just move on or we try and be friends again. I can’t promise that either would be easy, but after losing seven years, I would think we could all agree to the second option, don’t you?”

Dawson swallowed his drink and shrugged, setting the glass down on the counter. “I don’t know, Joey. I just don’t know.”

“Dawson…”

“It’s easier for you. You love him. You’ve loved him all this time. I’ve…I’ve hated him. Hated him for taking you away from me, hated him for making you someone so sad and lonely, unable to let anyone get close. I’ve hated him for making me feel guilty for something I now find out I didn’t do.”

“Well, it’s nice to know some things never change.” Both Dawson and Joey stopped at Pacey’s words, turning to face him. He was smirking as he stared at Dawson, his blue eyes laser sharp.

Dawson’s eyes narrowed as he looked at his friend. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“Only Dawson Leery could manage to make my death about him.” Pacey tossed the tissue he’d held to his lip onto the coffee table. “Congratulations, man. That takes some serious skill.”

“Fuck you, Pacey.” Dawson shook off the hand Joey reached out to him and started for the door. “You’ve got a hell of a lot of nerve coming back into our lives like you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I did everything wrong!” Pacey roared. “Are you still so fucking blind, Dawson, that you can’t see that? I threw away my life. I threw away my family and friends because I was so sad and so scared that I didn’t know what else to do.” He stalked up to Dawson and grabbed him by the collar. “You want this to be about you, Dawson? Fine! I thought I’d lost everything – my friendship with you, my friendship with Joey – that I figured there wasn’t much else worth living for. So when that damn storm came, I didn’t do a thing. I just sat in the boat and let it fall apart around me, hoping it would take me with it. And when it didn’t, I did the next best thing.”

He pushed Dawson away from him and shook his head. “So fuck you, Dawson. Fuck you and everything you think you know about me and my life.”

Joey stepped between them, unsure of whom to look at first. Finally, she settled on Dawson, stepping closer to him. “Dawson?” He refused to look at her, his gaze still locked on Pacey. Joey took his chin in her hand and turned his eyes to hers. “Dawson.”

“What?”

“Pacey’s not asking that we all be the best of friends again. He’s not expecting it to all go back to like it was…”

“Of course not. Back then he wasn’t fucking you and now, it’s more than clear that he is.”

Pacey shook his head. “Screw this, Joey. I’m not going to participate in another pissing contest for your affection. If Dawson is your *friend* he’ll want what’s best for you. And it’s pretty obvious that he thinks that’s anything but me.”

“All you’ve ever done is hurt her,” Dawson began.

“Right. And you’ve just been her knight in shining fucking armor, never asking her to choose, never making her stay with you for the sake of friendship, not caring what might be out there, what might make her happy.”

“And you’re so sure that you’re right for her?”

“She’s waited for a dead man, Dawson. Even when you were right next to her.”

“That’s enough.” Joey’s voice filled the silence left after Pacey’s words. “Jesus Christ. You’re supposed to be grown men, but I’m suddenly feeling like I’m back with the two sixteen year old boys I used to know. First of all, Dawson, I don’t need your approval to be with Pacey. I understand you’re concerned for me, and I appreciate it, but it’s not going to change how I feel about him.”

“I never thought it would.”

“And,” She glared at him, shutting him up. “And if you and Pacey can’t manage to be friends, that’s fine. But you’re both going to have to live with the fact that I love you both. And if you want me in your lives, you’re going to have to deal with each other.”

“Fine.” Dawson nodded; his whole face set in anger. “I’ll deal with him, Joey. And I’ll be there when he runs away from his problems yet again and leaves you alone. Yet again.”

“Pacey?” Joey looked at him, her heart racing. She didn’t really know Pacey anymore. She didn’t know the man he had become, didn’t know if he was different than the boy she’d known. She didn’t know how he would answer.

“I’m not going anywhere, Jo.” He looked over at Dawson and then back at her, losing himself in her eyes for a moment. “And that said, you’re welcome to stay here with me.”

Dawson shook his head as tears painted Joey’s lashes. “You know where I am when you need me, Jo.” He grabbed his jacket off the back of the couch and gave Pacey one last, long look. “You hurt her, and I will kill you.”

“He hurts me, you won’t need to,” Joey reminded him softly, as she moved to walk him to the door. Out of Pacey’s hearing, she gave Dawson a hug. “I wish you would forgive him.”

“I wish I could.”

“I know you’re worried about me, Dawson.”

“I am. And I always will be, but I know that this is what you want, and I want you to be happy. I just…” He looked over at Pacey who had sat back down in his chair and was trying not to watch them. “I just wish I trusted him more.”

“I trust him with everything, Dawson.”

“I know, Jo.” He kissed her forehead and hugged her once more. “That’s what scares me.”

~**~  
Joey waited until the elevator doors closed behind Dawson before turning back to Pacey. He was sitting in the chair, slowly eating the food she’d prepared for him, even though it was now undoubtedly cold. He didn’t look at her until she sat down across from him on the couch.

“Well, that went…”

“About as well as I expected.” He set his plate down and sighed, looking over at her. She was gorgeous in his clothes. “Joey, as much as you might want things to be like they were…”

“I got over that wish a long time ago, Pacey.”

“Dawson and I aren’t going to be friends again. We might deal with each other, however grudgingly, but those glorious days of yesteryear are gone forever. He hates me for hurting you, for hurting him. And I don’t blame him. And if I had any sense…not to mention any willpower when it came to refusing you, I wouldn’t have given in that day on the docks. I would have gotten on the boat and gotten the hell out of here.”

“And left me again?”

The words are lost, small and broken. “I never claimed to have any sense though, and I sure as hell can’t resist you.” He grinned and moved over to the couch beside her. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Joey. I’m sorry for all the shit I put you through. I don’t know how you still love me. I don’t know why you still love me. But I wouldn’t trade the fact that you do for anything.”

He pulled her into his arms, settling her on his lap. Joey managed a weak smile as she looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears. “Well, I was always good at loving men who aren’t good for me.”

“I’ll be very good for you.” He lifted her up, carrying her toward the bedroom. “In so many ways.”

“You can’t solve everything with sex, Pacey.”

He smiled at the laughter in her voice, nibbling her earlobe as he moved into the bedroom. “No, I can’t. But I sure as hell can try, can’t I? After all, we’ve got a lot of time to make up for.”

She shrieked with laugher as he dropped her on the mattress, moving quickly out of his way as he started to dive toward her. He stopped, watching her, and sat on the edge of the bed. Joey’s brow furrowed and she moved closer to him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He shrugged and lay down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “I just…I wish there was some way that I can prove to you everything that I told Dawson. Make you believe me.”

“I do believe you, Pacey. I trust you.”

“I know.” He rolled over and faced her, his own face troubled. “That’s what bothers me, I guess. I don’t know why you trust me. Not after everything.”

“You were sad and desperate and lots of other things that I may never know because I didn’t give you the chance to tell me. But before that…the reason that I trust you now is because you never asked me for anything more than I was willing to give you. Even though you wanted more. Even though you deserved more. I love you, Pacey. I have for a long time. And I’m not about to stop. Not even in the face of Dawson Leery’s disapproval.” She raised an eyebrow at him, as if daring him to say anything. “Bet you never thought I’d say that, did you?”

He laughed and pulled her to him, hugging her close. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you do just that.”

Her lips grazed his lightly as her hand snaked inside the opening of his robe. “That all you’ve been waiting for, Mr. Witter?”

“I’ve been waiting for you, Jo.”

Her hand slid lower, past the tie that held the robe together to his erection, so eager for her hand. “Pacey?”

He nodded, his eyes closing as she wrapped her fingers around him, brushing over the swollen tip of his cock. “Y…yeah?”

“Stop waiting.”

~**~  
Pacey lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He’d done this to himself. A few weeks ago, when Joey had first called the show, he’d taken leave of his senses and given in to his emotions. And now, instead of being safely ensconced in a cocoon of anonymity, he was tangled up in the sheets with Joey.

Which really wasn’t so bad.

But he was also embroiled in something out of some bad, gothic romance – returning from the dead to haunt everyone that had said goodbye to him seven years ago.

Joey rolled over and snuggled against him, resting her head on his chest. “Are you regretting that I ever picked up the phone to call you, Mr. Radio Man?”

“You haven’t seen me in seven years, Jo, and the last time you did, you managed to ignore the heart I was wearing on my sleeve. How is it you’re so perceptive now?”

“I had a lot of time to study my mistakes in detail.” Her fingers traced over his scar. “Are you really sorry I called?”

“No.” He tightened his arm around her shoulder. “I just wish it was only me and you that I had to worry about.”

“Have you decided what you’re going to do?”

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“You want me to come with you?”

“I don’t know. Yes? Maybe? I don’t know what to say about anything, Jo.”

“Haven’t you ever…?”

“Played this out in my mind?” He nodded. “Hundreds of times. But every single time I did, I could only imagine that everyone would hate me.”

“I don’t hate you. Doug doesn’t hate you.”

“My mom and dad are going to hate me.” Pace placed his hand over hers, stilling it over his heart. “You think it’s too late to go with an amnesia defense?”

“They love you, Pacey. And it might take them a little time, but in the end, they’ll forgive you.”

“How did you forgive me?”

She looked up at him, surprised. “What makes you think I have? Maybe I’m just waiting for the perfect moment to exact my revenge?”

“Oh. Good.”

She giggled. “I love you, Pacey. And that kept part of you alive for me. It kept part of me from believing you were gone.”

“I’m sorry if I cost you any opportunities with someone else…”

“There have been men, Pacey. Just not the right man.” She looked up at him, touching the soft curve of his lips. “Till now.”

~**~  
Pacey sat in his car, staring at the building in front of him. Joey watched silently as he rubbed his forehead. “We don’t have to do this.”

“No. But I do.” He sighed. “You can stay here if you want. I’m just going to stop and talk to Doug for a minute, get some insight into how to do this.”

“Okay.” She reached over and squeezed his hand. “Hey.”

He stopped, his hand wrapped around the door handle, and gave her a sly smile. “Yeah?”

“Love you.” She leaned over and kissed him, her right hand sliding between his thighs. “And remember, whatever happens today, I can promise you that you’ll thoroughly enjoy tonight.”

Pacey’s chuckled worked its way along Joey’s spine. “Suddenly, my parents don’t seem that important.”

She let her nails scrape along his denim-clad thigh and smiled. “Go, or we’ll never get there.”

Pacey popped open the door then leaned over and wrapped his hand around the back of Joey’s neck, pulling her in for a searing kiss. He finally released her, both of them hungry for air. “See you in a few, Potter.”

Joey watched, still trying to catch her breath as Pacey disappeared into Doug’s apartment. Closing her eyes, she leaned back against the headrest and took a deep breath.

The knock on the window startled her, and she turned to look at the man standing next to Pacey’s car. “Jack!” Joey shoved the door open, knocking Jack’s briefcase from his hands. She scrambled out of the car and helped him gather his stuff. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He accepted the leather case from her and smiled. “You? Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No problem,” she laughed. “What brings you to Capeside?”

“Doug and I are going over some case files. Leery’s Fresh Fish and the police department are sponsoring a scholarship for some of the outreach camps, so Doug and I are trying to decide who gets submitted for consideration.” Jacked looked at his papers for a quick moment then turned a puzzled glance to Joey. “What brings you home?”

“Um…” Joey bit her lower lip and looked guiltily toward Doug’s apartment.

“Oh shit.” Jack laughed out loud. “You and Doug? You’re kidding!”

“No.” She laughed as well. “Oh, no.”

“Then wha…” Jack stopped, his gazed locked on Doug’s front door as it swung open. He shook his head slowly, his face a mask of disbelief. “No fucking way.”

“Jack…”

He shook off Joey’s hand and strode toward Doug’s apartment. Pacey was facing Doug, his profile to Jack as he continued talking, stopping only at Doug’s look. He turned just as Jack reached him, the now familiar right hook impacting loudly before it sent him to the ground.

Pacey groaned and lay back on the sidewalk, his hand pressed tight against his bleeding nose. Doug was holding Jack’s arm, keeping him from moving toward Pacey as Joey rushed to his side. Pacey shook off Joey’s concern, grabbing a handkerchief from his pocket. “It’s okay. It’s the greeting I’ve come to expect.” He got up, still keeping his distance from Jack. “I hear Hallmark’s even looking into it.”

Jack shook his head, his eyes hard and angry. “You son of a bitch.”

“Yeah,” Pacey sighed and crumpled the bloody cloth in his hand. His nose had stopped bleeding, but his skin was still stained red. “I’m not arguing. If you’d like, you can even throw in irresponsible and selfish too.”

Jack ignored him, turning his glare on Joey. “Did you know about this?”

“I’ve known for a few days.”

“And you?”

Doug shook his head. “I found out for sure yesterday morning when I got a call from my presumed dead little brother.”

Jack took a few steps away from them, his whole body tight. They were all silent until he hissed a question through clenched teeth. “Who knows?”

“The four of us,” Pacey said quietly. “Dawson.”

“And who else are you going to tell?”

“Well, I planned to see my parents today. And I figure after that it’s likely to become common knowledge.”

Jack turned slowly and nailed Pacey with furious eyes. “Common knowledge. But just in Capeside, right?”

“I suppose,” Pacey nodded. “I didn’t plan to change my working name, so it’s not getting out onto the airwaves.”

“Airwaves?” Jack paused, confusion lighting his eyes until realization dawned. “You’re Ryan Wilson.” He laughed. “Jesus, when Andie told me he sounded like you, I thought she was just….”

“I’m sorry, Jack.”

“I am too, Pacey.” Jack sighed and sat on the hood of Pacey’s car. “Because my sister went through a lot because of you. And even though she’s okay, I can’t honestly say she’s ever been the same.”

“I never intended to hurt anyone.” Pacey said the words quietly, knowing they made no difference. “But sometimes fights look insurmountable, so you don’t fight them.”

“Because there’s no one fighting at your side.”

Pacey shrugged. “No one was in a good situation when I left, and I doubt it would have been any better if I had come back.”

“You never gave us a chance, Pacey.”

“No,” he agreed. “At least not until right now.”

“Right now is a little late.” Jack sighed and shook his head. “This is…”

“A lot,” Pacey agreed. “Trust me, I know. And I don’t expect anyone to welcome me with open arms like nothing happened. I just…”

Jack stood, nodding all the while. “You didn’t have much choice in seeing me.” He grabbed his briefcase and gestured toward Doug’s apartment. “But you have the choice of seeing me next Thursday. You and Joey?” When she nodded at his question, Jack smiled, albeit unsurely. “Dinner at seven. Bring wine.”

Pacey smiled in relief. “Red or white?”

“Both. I have a feeling we’ll need them.”

“Thanks, Jack.”

“It’s just dinner.”

“It’s more than that.”

“Yeah, just…just…”

“I swear, I won’t tell Andie.”

“Thanks.”

Doug waited until Jack had gone inside to speak. “You’re really getting quiet a collecting of beatings, little brother.”

“It’s my new hobby.”

“I’ll see you both at dinner?”

Pacey nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“Pace?” Doug placed his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “It’s going to be fine.”

“You said that before, a long time ago.”

“And it is…it just took some time.”

~**~  
Joey stared out her window as Pacey drove silently. “Do I get to find out the big plan or do I have to guess along with the studio audience?”

“What?” He turned his gaze to her quickly then looked away. “Oh. Sorry. My parents are gone today. They’re coming home tonight and Doug’s supposed to go over there for dinner. I guess it’s a tradition. Every Sunday they do a family thing.”

“So we have a few hours to kill?”

“Yeah.”

“And so we’re going where?”

“I have no idea.” He laughed sadly. “But I have to keep going in this direction, because if I don’t, I’m going to go right back home and forget this ever happened.”

“You can’t do that anymore, Pacey. This is all real now.”

“I know that, Joey. Trust me.”

At his angry tone, she turned to face him. “And that’s all my fault, right? The fact that I forced you into admitting that this was all some stupid stunt that you pulled because things weren’t going the way you wanted? You weren’t going to get the girl, so you were going to show Dawson and me, right? You wanted to prove to us that you mattered in our lives and the only way you could do that was pretend to be dead.”

Pacey pulled the car over to the side of the road and snapped it off, glaring over at her. “What?”

“You heard me. You’re just pissed because you’re found out. You’re angry because the more people know about what you did, the more likely it is that you’re going to have to face up to it. You were selfish and self-absorbed and you didn’t give a fuck about the people you left behind. You were hurting and you ran away because you were too much of a coward to do anything else.”

“Is that what you think?”

His quiet words almost broke through her anger, but she kept going, refusing to back down. “What else am I supposed to think, Pacey? That you did this for my own good? You thought I wanted to be with Dawson and the only way I could do that and be happy was for you to die?” Her laughter was brittle. “I think that you don’t think quite highly enough of yourself.”

“Maybe I should start taking lessons from Dawson then.”

“Right. Because Dawson is the bad guy in this, is that it? He made you run away. He made you pretend to be dead so that you wouldn’t have to come back and face up to the way things worked out. He made you give up your life and find a new one. Dawson did all that. I think you’ve got it wrong, Pacey. Dawson isn’t the one with the inflated sense of importance. You give that to him.”

“Was I wrong though, Joey? Tell me, if I had come back to town in September, what exactly would I have seen? Would you have been eager to meet my boat, or would you have had a date with Dawson?” Her face flushed and she looked straight ahead. Pacey smirked. “I see. And so I would have spent the rest of the year, or who knows? Maybe the rest of my fucking life watching you pretend to be in love with him.”

“And why would I be pretending?”

He didn’t realize she was yelling, until his own loud response filled the car, “Because we both know that you were in love with me.”

She didn’t respond other than to open her door, slip out of the car and slam it behind her. Pacey watched her for a moment before getting out himself and following her as she walked down toward the creek. He waited until she stopped and did the same a few feet behind her. “Now who’s running away?”

Her brown eyes were practically on fire with anger as she whirled around to face him. “Fuck you, Pacey! You have no right to lecture anyone on the right thing to do in an overly emotional situation. All you know how to do is hide behind a clever quip and a smart-ass smile. That and run away with your tail tucked between your legs.”

“And what did Dawson tuck between yours, Joey?”

Her slap seemed to echo off the still water of the creek. “All right, Pacey. You want to play this game? How many women have you slept with since you fell in love with me, huh? How many women have you fucked to get me out of your mind?”

His eyes narrowed and he shook his head. “My sex life isn’t the issue.”

“Right. Mine is. More specifically, my sex life with Dawson. Okay. That’s the way you want it. I’ve had sex with Dawson at least a hundred times. And every time it was different and it was good. You want details, Pacey? He liked to kiss me while I came, so that he could trap his name between us when I screamed it. He liked to tie me down every once in a while and torture me with warm chocolate sauce. He liked to pin me down to the bed on my stomach and slide into me from behind, squeezing my breasts as he pumped into me.” He looked away, his face stony as hot, angry, frustrated tears ran down her cheeks. “You want more details, Pacey? You want to know what he called me? What he said to me? How easy it was for me to forget you when he was buried inside me?”

Pacey turned around to find Joey practically against him, her anger bringing her toward him like a comet. He grabbed her shoulders and looked down at her for a split second before pulling her to him roughly, capturing her lips with his. His hands kneaded her shoulders hard, imprinting himself on her flesh before he took the thin material of her blouse in his hands and ripped it off of her, exposing her body.

Her chest, covered only in a thin slip of lace was heaving, her tears and hunger forcing it to rub against him with each rapid breath. Pacey’s lips devoured hers, his tongue forcing its way into her mouth and claiming her, marking her, branding her with his kiss.

Joey’s nails dug into Pacey’s shoulders and he hissed as she broke the skin, clawing and raking through the material in an effort to separate it from him. She let her fingers slide under the collar and proceeded to tear the shirt little by little until it hung from him. They both scrambled out of the shredded clothing, tossing it aside recklessly as his fingers, needing to feel her flesh against him, broke the small clasp of her bra and sent it tumbling to the ground.

Joey arched her back, rubbing her taut, tensed nipples against his hair-roughened skin as her teeth worried his lower lip, refusing to back down, refusing to allow him to dominate her. She bit down, tasting blood as she split the skin that Dawson had broken the night before. Pacey grunted in pain and she grinned as she pulled away. Her eyes were narrowed with lust and hunger, a mirror of his own.

Pacey stepped toward her and wrapped her hair around his hand, bending her head backward and rendering her immobile. He nipped at the warm skin of her neck, licking the pulsing vein that ran under the golden flesh. He tasted her tears and her sweat, her excitement, as he sucked the swollen flesh of her breasts, her nipples straining toward him as he grew closer.

Blood was cool as it trickled down his back, her nails scraping his skin raw as she clung to him, pulling him closer, holding him against her as tightly as he held her. He gathered one tight peak into his mouth and sucked hard at it, feeling her body shiver in response. Not allowing himself to grin, he moved his free hand down to the junction of her thighs and slipped it against the worn denim of her jeans, pressing up against the wanting flesh.

Joey ground down against his hand, squeezing it between her thighs and holding the pressure against her. She brought her hands around to his shoulders, leaving trails of blood in their wake. Pacey pulled away from her breast, lashing it one last time with his tongue before looking up at her. He was on his knees in front of her, no knowledge of how he’d gotten there, when he’d sunk down before her, wanting her too much to care that she’d taken control away from him. “Get up,” she rasped.

“Fuck you,” he replied, yanking his hand from her hair. She jerked away from him, refusing to allow him to see how much it hurt. He grabbed her hand and pulled her down onto her knees as well. “You want me so badly, you come and get me.”

Joey’s body slammed into his as she shoved him down onto the ground, her kiss hard and passionate. Pain laced the pleasure as his clenched teeth ground against hers even as her legs slipped willingly between his. His cock was hard; thrusting up into her willing warmth, aching to break through the layers of cloth that kept them apart.

Holding on to Pacey’s shoulder’s, Joey sat up and ran her nails over his chest, being sure to wreak havoc with his nerves as she grazed them across his nipples. Kneeling between his legs, she unfastened his jeans and shoved them down his legs before easing his boxers almost gently over his demanding erection. She shoved the material of his jeans under her knees, effectively trapping him as she unfastened her own, stripping them off her as quickly as she could.

As soon as her concentration was turned toward shoving her jeans down, Pacey grabbed her arms and lifted her onto him, holding her wet heat against his cock. Joey looked at him for a long moment before spreading her legs and letting her body swallow him.

Their mutual groan reverberated through the thin stand of trees as Joey slowly began moving above her. Pacey shook his head and sat up, wrapping his arms around her and rolling her over onto her back. He grabbed her hands and pinned her to the ground, holding her there as he began thrusting into her, deep and hard.

Joey gasped with pleasure as he filled her again and again, capturing her against the dirt and leaves as his whole body seemed to push inside her. He was merciless, not letting her move, his hands tight around her wrists. Joey gasped softly as his cock seemed to penetrate her, reaching something inside her and pushing her closer and closer to anger and ecstasy.

She sank her nails into his hands, unable to exert any other type of control. He was relentless and insistent, but the anger of their argument wasn’t present except in the hunger and strength of possession. But he was ruthless in his assault, his eyes boring into her, unwilling to let her look away.

Fighting against him, not wanting to surrender, Joey shook with denial until she could not longer hold back. Wave after wave of orgasm buffeted Pacey’s hungry cock, bathing him in heat as her muscles clutched at him, holding him inside her like a vice.

Pacey’s teeth clenched as he continued moving inside her, fighting the tide of her orgasm to fill her. Joey looked up at him helplessly, her brown eyes glistening with tears. He released her hands and she immediately grabbed his shoulders, pulling herself up to him. She licked the hot, sweaty skin of his neck, whispering his name over and over as he continued pushing her, finding the next shuddering climax until she released him and fell back to the ground in exhaustion.

Pacey braced himself above her then slowly moved away, disengaging their bodies so that he could sit on the hard dirt. He was breathing hard, his cock still hard, straining toward the soft scent of Joey, yearning for release. She managed to sit up, leaning against a fallen log, her chest rising in heavy unison with his. Her eyes were fixed on the swollen, red flesh watching it as it moved with his every breath.

He wouldn’t look at her, and she wondered what he was thinking, what was on his mind. Was he angry still? Upset? With a vicious grin, Joey pushed her damp hair away from her face. “Well, you fucked me and pinned me down, Pacey. Any other of Dawson’s techniques you want to employ?”

His eyes were like blue ice when they reached hers, and she had no problem guessing his emotion as he grabbed her arm and pulled her against him. “You didn’t cry out his name there at the end, Potter.”

“So you held my interest. Dawson wasn’t the only one to do that.” He shoved her away from him and started to stand. Joey just smiled, waiting for him, wanting him. She wanted him back inside her, wanted to feel him lose control because of her. Wanted him to claim her as his, wanted to belong to him…wanted them to belong to each other so that he couldn’t run again. “Although Dawson was the only one to get you off my mind.”

With a muffled roar, Pacey was down on his knees in front of her. “You want to think about Dawson, Joey?” He pushed her around so that she was on her knees facing the log she’d been leaning on. She braced herself against it as he pressed his cock to her. “Isn’t this what you said he did? Did he take you from behind so that he could imagine you were someone else, Joey? Was that it? Or was it easier for him to pretend that I wasn’t in your heart if he didn’t have to see you cry as he fucked you?”

He pushed inside her, thrusting hard and deep, deeper than before. He didn’t care that she was spent, didn’t care that her knees and arms trembled. His hands wound around her and he kneaded her breasts as she said Dawson had done. She gasped as he pinched her nipples, making the tight peaks even harder. His body was in constant motion, thrusting hard, pushing her into the rough edges of the log. “Pa…acey,” she breathed softly.

“What, Joey?” He was shaking himself, hating himself, hating what he was doing, that he was hurting her. That he hurt this badly after all this time of not feeling at all. “You want me to stop? Say it and I’ll stop and you can go back to Dawson or your life or whatever it is you want so much more than me.”

“Pacey,” she begged, pushing back against him. “Oh God, please.”

“Please what, Jo?” He was begging her now too, needing her to tell him to go, get off of her, get the hell out of her life.

“Would you please come before I fucking pass out?”

Pacey’s groan was lost as his hand slipped from Joey’s breast down to her slippery clit, rubbing it gently. Her body shook around him and he lost control, convulsing as he pressed inside her, shaking with the force of his release. He shuddered to a stop, slipping from Joey’s body to collapse on the ground. Joey crumpled beside him, planting feather-light kisses on his chest, tasting salt and sweat and blood.

They lay in silence, their bodies bathed in the sunlight trickling in through the leaves above them. Joey finally rolled away from Pacey and looked at the scattered remnants of their clothes. “Well…”

He moved away as well, reaching around to brush a loose leaf from his back. He winced as he touched the sensitive skin Joey had pierced with her nails. He looked at her over his shoulder, almost grinning as he saw her watching him. “I don’t know about you, Jo, but I could use a bath.”

“Yeah.” She blushed when he caught her looking; the anger sucked away from them in the wake of orgasm, but the air still tinged with something intangible.

“You and Dawson ever go skinny dipping?”

“No.”

“Good. After all that purging, I feel like doing something you’ve never done before.”

“I never said I’d never done it.” She allowed him to help her to her feet, giving him a mock angry look.

“No, you didn’t. But you haven’t.” He slipped his jeans all the way off, kicking off his shoes and boxers as well. When he was finished, he knelt in front of her and eased her clothes from her body, his hands as tender as they’d been harsh.

She tried to look angry. “And how do you know that?”

“Because we just fucked each other senseless and yet you’re blushing like a schoolgirl.”

She laughed and reached for his hand, the intangibility of the moment before fading away like a shimmering breeze. “We are so fucked up, Witter.”

He shook off her hand as he stood, and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her naked body closer to his. He bent his head and whispered against her warm skin. “We are indeed, Potter. But being fucked up with you is something I can’t wait to get used to.”

~**~  
Pacey leaned against the side of his car and stared at the house across the street. Joey looked up at him through the open passenger side window, her slim body lost in one of his shirts. “You still haven’t told me why you have a suitcase full of clothes in your trunk.”

“No,” Pacey admitted. “I haven’t.”

“Do you plan to?”

“It’s always there, Jo. Just in case.”

“In case what? You get attacked by moths?”

“No, just random, sexually aggressive women.”

“Pacey…”

“It’s there in case I ever needed to run.” He cast a quick glance in her direction before turning his attention back to his parents’ house. “In case I was found or found out and I needed to get out of town.”

She didn’t say anything for a long time as the soft shrillness of insects filled the night air. “So why aren’t you running?”

He opened her door and helped her out of the car, his eyes never leaving the glow of the porchlight. “Because I’m tired.” Finally he looked at her, “And I’ve found something I have no intention of running away from.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Me?”

“Are you kidding?” He smiled softly at her, his answer in his eyes. “I’m talking about my apartment. Didn’t you notice the view?”

She slapped his arm then wrapped her own around his waist. “You ready for this?”

“Fuck no,” he breathed. “But if I wait until I’m ready, it’s never going to happen.”

They walked the rest of the way in thick silence. Pacey moved away from Joey and climbed the porch steps alone, listening to the sound of his family. Their voices drifted through the open front door, slipping stealthily through the screen.

His mother’s musical giggle. His father’s gruff chuckle. Doug’s knowing laugh. They were sounds of home that he knew without thinking, yet so alien they stung.

His hand shook as he knocked on the wooden frame.

“I’ll get it, John.”

“No, Mom. Let me…” He could hear Doug’s voice as he tried to stop her, warn her, brace her.

“Yes? Can I…?”

Sound stopped. The crickets and cars and conversations all halted in an instant as weary blue eyes so like his own brightened with tears in the pale glow of a fifty-watt bulb.

“M…mom…”

The word shattered the silence like a hammer through glass, and the world descended into a cacophony of sound. Pacey winced as his mother’s cry pierced the night air and she stumbled back, away from the door.

“What the hell?” His father’s voice echoed with fear and concern, and for a brief moment, Pacey wondered if he was about to get shot. His father stopped when he saw his mother, crumpled on the floor, shaking with sobs. “Who the hell do you think you are?” He roared as he slammed the screen door open, bearing down on Pacey until recognition replaced rage in his eyes.

Pacey braced himself for impact, prepared to deal with anything his father threw at him. He’d deserved every punch so far, but none so much as the one awaiting him; the one he’d earned by breaking his mother’s heart.

“Pacey?”

“Hey…Pop.”

“You little bastard.” He stepped forward; his gazed locked on his youngest son, who met his eyes through sheer force of will. “I should kick your ass so fucking hard…” John Witter stopped and shook his head, sending tears down his cheeks as he grabbed his son and crushed him against his chest in a desperate, heartfelt and grateful hug.

~**~  
Doug sank down onto the couch next to Joey, handing her a drink as he did so. He nodded across the room where Pacey was sitting on the loveseat with his mother. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

Joey accepted the glass and took a sip. “Think that’s weird, look at your dad.”

John was leaning forward, listening intently to Pacey. Doug shook his head. “It was tough on them both for a long time. I mean, they realized that they hadn’t been the best parents. This is their chance to redeem themselves.”

“Don’t you think they’re…I don’t know, angry?”

“Probably furious,” Doug agreed. “Angry and hurt and resentful and a thousand other emotions. But for right now, they’re just thankful that they’ve got their son back.”

Joey stared into the amber liquid of her glass. “So this is the calm before the storm?”

“Pacey knows that, Joey.” Doug sighed and shrugged. “I’m sure he’s going through a lot of those emotions too. Just like you are.”

She faced him, surprised. “What do you mean?”

“Oh come on, Joey.” Doug chuckled softly and reached out to touch the red mark at the base of her neck. “I would guess this is just a subtle reminder of what was no doubt a knock-down, drag-out argument.”

“We had a disagreement.”

Doug leaned closer, his voice dropping. “Who won?” When Joey blushed, he couldn’t help but smile. “Keeping in mind that sex qualifies as a mutual surrender.”

“You’re an ass, Doug.”

He leaned back, unable to stop smiling. Seeing Pacey’s curious glance, he shrugged and winked at his brother. “Nah, that’s just the famous Witter charm.”

Joey shook her head and finished her drink. After a few moments, she raised her hand to the mark Doug had pointed out. “How do you feel about all this, Doug?”

“The fact that my brother is ravaging you?”

“Doug!” Joey’s blush suffused her skin and she ducked her head to hide from his knowing gaze. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

He downed the remaining contents of his glass then looked into the crystal. “God, I don’t know, Joey. I keep thinking about sitting beside that damn stone for hours and I want to kill him. And then I look at him, and I’m just so fucking relieved that he’s alive.”

“Do you hate him?”

There was a silence, filled only by the soft sound of conversation from across the room. Doug stared at his younger brother for a while before shaking his head. “Not anymore.”

“Did you hate him then?”

“Some. But not enough.”

“Not enough?”

Doug’s smile was enigmatic as he stood and looked down at her, his blue eyes warm. “You want another drink?”

“No,” Joey bit her lower lip. “No thanks.”

“Tell me something, Joey?”

“What?”

“How do you feel about all this? I mean, you’re the one in a relationship with him.”

“I love him.”

“And it’s all that simple?”

Her dark eyes searched his. “Shouldn’t it be?”

~**~  
Pacey leaned against the headrest and closed his eyes. “I keep waiting for Rod Serling to show up and tell me not to worry, I’ve just slipped into the Twilight Zone.”

Reaching over, Joey took his hand a squeezed. “Are you guys okay?”

“We’re…we’ve got a long way to go. A lot of years and pain to make up for…and I’m not just talking about the time I was gone.”

“But?”

Pacey grinned, “But it’s a beginning. One I never thought I’d get.”

Joey leaned toward him and kissed his cheek gently. “What do you say we head home? Get some rest? Shower?”

“Make mad, passionate love?”

She settled back in her seat and gave him a smile. “That’s a possibility.”

~**~  
“Hey Potter? You wanna do me a favor?”

“What’s that?” Joey mumbled sleepily.

“Lift up.”

“Lift?” Joey opened her eyes, trying to adjust them to the dim light. Pacey was leaning over her, his impish grin firmly in place. Darting her gaze around, she realized they were back at Pacey’s house, more specifically in his bedroom.

His hands grazed over her hips. “Yeah. Lift. Otherwise, this rough denim might scratch my delicate skin.”

Joey arched her hips off the bed, letting Pacey finish undressing her. The shirt of his that she’d borrowed was a pile on the floor and her jeans and panties soon joined it. “I must have been tired.”

“Well, you fell asleep before we left Capeside and managed to maintain your unconscious state while I lugged you from the car to here, so yeah. I’d say you were tired.”

She moved under the covers as Pacey shed his clothes, watching him with rapt fascination as he bared his body so unselfconsciously. “And you woke me up to watch you get naked?”

“Didn’t want you to miss the daily highlights, Potter.” He slipped into bed beside her and reached out for her. Joey moved to him, snuggling against his chest.

“So, what’s next, Pacey?”

“I believe we decided on wild, passionate sex,” his grin was interrupted by a yawn. “But I’m afraid we’re going to have to postpone that at least a couple of hours.”

“At least.”

Pacey turned his head so he could see the serious stare that accompanied her strange tone. His eyes closed in defeat and he sighed. “I knew, punches aside, that this was all going to well for me. What’s wrong?”

“Can’t we wait until morning?”

“Because we’ll sleep so soundly with this ominous sense of doom hanging over us?” Pacey pulled away and sat up, leaning back against the headboard. “Go ahead.”

“I just think…” Joey blew out a long breath. “I love you. That’s not even in question. But I realized tonight, listening to some of the stories you were telling your parents, that I don’t really know you. I know who you used to be, but I barely know the man you are.”

“And so you’re suggesting what exactly? Should I write you an essay on what I did during my over-exaggerated death?"

“No.” Joey gave him an angry look, folding her arms over her chest. “I was just suggesting we slow down a little and spend some time getting to know each other again.”

“Pretend the sex never happened?”

“Prevent what happened earlier to day from happening again. I don’t want to have sex with you because I’m hurt or angry, Pacey. And I don’t want all the inevitable questions about our more recent pasts to manifest themselves in hurtful accusations. I just want…”

“What, Joey?” His hostile tone was gone in the face of her threatening tears. “What do you want?”

“I want to fall in love with Pacey Witter again.” She shrugged. “I want banter and romance and all the things we had for such a short time. I want to do it all, and I want to do it right this time.”

Pacey sat silent for a long moment before finally meeting Joey’s hopeful gaze and smiling. “Oh, is that all?”

“Well, and I want you to hold me tonight.”

“Done.” Pacey lay back down, inviting her into his arms. “Anything else?”

“Breakfast in bed.”

“Cold Chinese food okay?”

“And I want to know all your deep, dark secrets.”

He held her close, memorizing the feel of her. “Well, you know, the whole ‘just kidding, I’m not really dead’? That’s about as deep and dark as they come.”

Joey moved up and kissed him softly, lingering on the sweet taste of him. “I’m afraid I, Mr. Witter, am going to be the judge of that.” She settled back into his embrace and traced a light pattern on his chest. “So. Start talking.”


End file.
